Duck Duck Cougar?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
