my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
