Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
