Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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