Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
