Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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