And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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