What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
