Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
