btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
