1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
