How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize