i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
