Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it glows. i had to have it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
