One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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