when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Tell her she can't have a vagina
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
