nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
