Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
