i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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