it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
