im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
