Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
