So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
