I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
