oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
