I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
