I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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