He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
how does that bad decision feel?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
