My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she smelled like a LAN party
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
