im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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