question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
