This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
