Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
