i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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