Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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