Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
