Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
