I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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