hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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