my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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