WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
