Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
