Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
too bad you live with your parents still
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
