I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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