I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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