My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize