vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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