Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
