Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
