I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
