He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
