highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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