woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
honey bunches of taint.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
