i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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