Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize