what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
