remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
