If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
