That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
