My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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