I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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