I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
