I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
