Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
