Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He kissed a someone with a penis
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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