You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize