So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
