We got so high we made milksteak
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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