Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
