If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
