I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize