dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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