Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
