I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
