im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
