Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
