the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
