Got a toothbrush?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
