Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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