how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
