She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
