I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just want to make out with him forever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
