two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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