oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
