I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
