Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
well you can't waste a boner
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
