another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
