Kiss
Puke
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
