You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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