every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Someone came in the potted fern
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
