Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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