i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
