You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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