I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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