I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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