I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
