it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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