I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
