It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
