YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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